my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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