yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
