I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize