I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
