You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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