My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
