K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
