Well apparently he's into motor boating.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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