piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
