Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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