I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
