ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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