I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The best revenge is premature balding
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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