Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
