my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
