I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
