I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
