Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
