Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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