Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
