I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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