I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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