When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
