if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
