Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize