you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
