I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
