'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
soo... how was my night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
