Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
