i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
