You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
