What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
