so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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