Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
