If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
