I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
