Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
