Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
