It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
