hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
