Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
