he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
