I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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