come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
