you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize