no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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