So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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