What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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