Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
