I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize