I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
