yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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