When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
