I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
