do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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