saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
