I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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