Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
