adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize