I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
