You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
