The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
