She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
