I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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