you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
