tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
