The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
