Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
