Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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