I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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