absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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