U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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